• About
  • Archives
  • Categories
  • Archive for the ‘Memories’ Category

    Heart Song


    2009 - 08.13

    A couple of months ago, I was idly browsing through the channels, looking for something to watch that would hold my interest for more than 2 minutes. I like horror, supernatural, and anything Csi or Law and Order. I like some comedy, and will watch a love story as long as there is a good horror plot going with it.

    What I ended up watching that night was the movie Happy Feet. It’s a movie about penguins. Emperor Penguins to be exact. Okay, okay-twist my arm-sometimes I like musicals and cartoons too.

    I watched it that night, and a week later watched it again. And it really got me thinking. About being different and how society looks at you. And how they treat you. But before I get into that, let me share just a little bit about the story.

    It starts with Memphis and Norma Jean, meeting and falling in love. When penguins mate, they lift up their hearts in “song”. If you’ve ever watched a documentary about this, they will “sing”, and whoever is attracted to their voice becomes their mate. So, the 2 love penguins hit the right notes together and voila, an egg is dropped. The female penguins go out to forage for food while the male penguins sit on the eggs. But you must never drop or lose an egg. Of course, Memphis loses his egg for just a few seconds. The females finally come home. Norma Jean finds that her egg has not quite hatched yet. But when it does, out comes the baby penguin, who can’t keep his feet still. They name him Mumble, because when he lifts up his voice to sing, it sounds awful. But his feet are always happy and tapping away. Mumble grows a little slower than most of the other hatchlings, and when they finally are ready to lift their voices up in song to attract a mate, well, Mumble just can’t find the right voice. But when he dances, Gloria decides that she fits right in with him. His tapping and her singing.

    Eventually, the elders ostracize Mumble. He’s not a part of them, he doesn’t have a heart song, he just doesn’t belong. He leaves the colony, and meets up with some smaller penguins. Adélie penguins. There is a small group that Mumble becomes friends with. They travel with him, trying to keep him out of trouble. They get into more trouble than they keep him out of though. In their travels, they find that humans want to come to the Antarctic to fish, which will mean less fish for the penguins. Mumble ends up in an aquarium and when a child taps on the glass, starts tap dancing. Everyone is amazed that a penguin can do that and the humans finally release him back in the wild. Of course, they have a tracking device on him.

    Mumble leads them to his colony of penguins in the Antarctic. When Mumble returns home, the penguin voices are lifted up in song, and Mumble does the only thing that he can do-tap dances. The humans are amazed and take videos and sends them around the world. The humans decide that they have been overfishing there and leave everything in its natural setting. And everyone lives happily ever after.

    I love the movie, the singing and the dancing, but what had really opened my eyes was the statement it made about being different. Poor Mumble doesn’t have a heart song to attract a mate with-he only has tap dancing or happy feet.
    Therefore, he is kicked out of his home. His parents feel bad, but what can they do-the elders have decreed that Mumble doesn’t belong.

    How many of us have felt like that? You’re “kicked out” because you’re different. You don’t belong. And it can be any reason-physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. Oh, you’re in a wheelchair, I’m not going to look at you because you’re different. Oh, you’re emotionally or mentally challenged, well, I don’t know what to say to you, so I’m going to ignore you like you’re not there. Oh, I’m a born again Christian-you’re a witch???? I’ll pray for you, but I definitely won’t be spending an evening of food and conversation with you.

    Growing up, I was extremely shy to the point of being absolutely terrified of people, and I was (and still am) overweight. Plus I was (and still am) psychic. That was 3 strikes against me from the very beginning. And I can tell you that I was ostracized almost my entire life. People wouldn’t talk to me because they thought I was stuck up-after all, I wasn’t saying anything. I never got picked for the fun stuff because look at her-she’s fat, I don’t want her on my team. And when I finally realized that I had abilities, well, it was really just an overactive imagination. Because being psychic isn’t real.

    How many times have we turned our heads away because someone was different? Well, you say that you don’t know how to react to someone who is different. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I do the wrong thing? Maybe sometimes we should just try.

    When J and I go to any store, because of his health, he needs one of the electric carts to get through the store. I can not believe how many people act as if he’s not even there. They will cut in front of him while not looking at him. They will pass him in a narrow aisle giving him a dirty look for being in THEIR way. And it amazes me how when some of those same people have issues, they are the first ones to expect everyone to drop everything to help them because all of a sudden they can’t do it for themselves. Yet when they were healthy, they ignored those that had handicaps.

    We are even teaching our children not to care about other people. Working in retail has proven how much society has changed from the 1930’s. Back then, if your neighbor got sick or hurt, many times, the whole neighborhood would pitch in to help. Now, we are so self absorbed, some of us wouldn’t even know our neighbor had died until we started smelling something really bad coming from next door.

    There are many reasons for people being different, but I think it’s time that we started caring again. Really caring and showing that we really care. Next time you see someone in the grocery store that has a handicap, offer to get the product off the top shelf, next time you see someone struggling with trying to get something in their car-offer to help them. If people don’t want your help, they’ll tell you. But at least care enough to offer. Even if, at first, all you can offer is a smile.

    Sometimes even a smile is the greatest gift you can give someone. So, don’t ignore people who are different, don’t make them feel like Mumble, an outcast. Appreciate people for their differences and get to know them. We are all human and we all like to be loved and needed-no matter what our difference. Try it, you just might find that it changes you in a very positive manner.

    Like I said, at the end of the movie, Mumble saves the day. Everyone loves him and his difference. I wish it could be like that in real life. But maybe if just a couple of us try to make a difference, maybe little by little, we will all be able to save the day at the end.

    So, lift up your heart song, see who hears it, or sees it or feels it. And if you can’t sing-get those Happy Feet going!

    Till next time.

    Uncle Paul


    2008 - 07.17
    Uncle Paul

    Uncle Paul

    As all of you know from my posting, my oldest daughter, Denise, was married in May. And being a mom, I was proud and full of love at the lovely woman Denise had become. But at the same time, it also made me remember some of the family that has passed on. I miss them daily, and always hold them dear to my heart.

    Towards the end of the festivities, my son, Paul, who will go on occasional rants about nothing at all, or maybe an subject he holds either in high esteem or complete contempt, started one of his usual rants. No, I really can’t say usual rants, because what he was doing was ranting about how he was going to be the next Uncle Paul.

    Which got me to thinking about my Uncle Paul. He was my grandmother’s brother. And throughout all the years that I knew him, I never heard a bad word said about him. Not one word. Uncle Paul was born and raised in Bradford, PA. My understanding was that there were 5 children in all and that they had been orphaned. I believe an aunt had raised them. I knew most of the family. Two of my uncles lived in California, and one of them, was a spiritual minister. My Aunt Dottie lived down in Texas. Nannie lived in the house where I live now. And Uncle Paul and his wife, my Aunt Edie, lived on Salisbury St., in the city. They had one son, Richard, who I gave the name of Uncle Tib.

    Uncle Paul always had a smile or a joke. He also had a heart of gold and seemed to love everyone he met. When he was younger, and I was just a little kid, I can always remember him with a cigar. Now, Aunt Edie wouldn’t let Uncle Paul smoke in the apartment. She either made him go outside or down in the basement to his workshop. Uncle Paul loved to tinker. It was always so cool to go over there and watch him. And of course, I also got to play dress-up with all of Aunt Edie’s pretty dresses and costume jewelry. Don’t forget this was back in the day of women stayed home and the husband’s went out to work. Aunt Edie ended up with a job at a jewelry store. She loved jewelry and it seemed like a natural fit for her. Uncle Paul I believe, worked at Stromberg-Carlson and had at one time, owned/ran a grocery in Pennsylvania.

    My Favorite Uncle

    All of my memories of Uncle Paul are good ones. He and my Gramps went fishing every year to the 1000 Islands. The place was called Chippewa Bay and they stayed at the same cottages every year. My folks and I went with them sometimes. Uncle Paul had a special name for the first tug of his pole of the year. I think it was something like a tunk. He would beam from ear to ear. Uncle Paul and Gramps would get talking about the “old” days. The stories they would tell. About bears and walking miles to get somewhere, the chores they had to do, etc.

    We would have family gatherings. Now both Nannie and Aunt Edie were excellent cooks. So every time we got together, the food was heavenly. Uncle Paul would eat his fill, then pat his round belly, push his chair back, grin at his wife and sister and say the famous words, this is how a man should feel all the time. We all knew is was coming, and we all looked forward to it every time.

    Then there were the trips to Florida after both Uncle Paul and Gramps retired. Nannie and Gramps, Aunt Edie and Uncle Paul. They would spend at least 3 weeks or more down in Florida. My Uncle Dick (who I named Pete) lived down there with his wife and 5 children. Gramps and Uncle Paul would like the beach, watching the fish jump, going to interesting places, seeing the grandkids, etc. But now Nannie and Aunt Edie loved to go into the novelty shops. That is what they lived for down there! Visualize this-Gramps in a car or motor home, traveling from here to there, when all of a sudden, you’d hear-stop go back, you just missed another shop. They would come back up north with sun tans and the men carrying bags and bags of souvenirs.

    This foursome took many trips together, not only to Florida, but even just day trips in NYS. They were inseparable. Places to go, things to see. Both Uncle Paul and Gramps loved to learn. They loved knowledge. It was so neat to go with them someplace as a little girl. I would listen to them as they talked. They truly knew a little about a lot of things and a lot about even more things.

    And the jokes!!! Uncle Paul loved to read the Reader’s Digest. We would be sitting around and all of a sudden, you’d hear Uncle Paul say have you heard the one about………and then launch into the joke. And he had a very good memory so he never forgot the punchline!!!!! Even as he got older, he still would tell us the jokes.

    I’m sure that there were sometimes sad things that happened to my Uncle Paul, but I never heard about them. He talked about living to be 100 years old. He wanted to be able to celebrate that birthday.

    Sometime in his 70’s, he decided to quit smoking cigars. He looked at us and told us that those things would kill him someday. And he just plain quit. Now as we were growing up, we had always given him cigars for Christmas and his birthday-which was January 1. So when he quit, we figured we’d have to find something else. Well, he always wore suspenders, so yep, you got it, that’s what we bought him.

    Now I had finally grown up, gotten married, and had my children. The joke in the family was that Uncle Paul had gone to his sisters and offered them $10 if they would name a son after him. They never took him up on it. Well, my last pregnancy was so different from my first 2 I knew it had to be a boy. I told Uncle Paul, if it’s a boy, I’ll name him after you. When he told me the offer still stood on the money, I told him I didn’t want it, I just wanted to honor him. Well, Paul was born May 13, 1986. His full name is Paul Robert-Paul for Uncle Paul, and Robert for my dad. Paul was born 7 days after my dad’s birthday.

    So now we have Uncle Paul and little Paul. Whenever the family would get together, Uncle Paul would play with Little Paul. And one of the most favorite pastimes was pulling Uncle Paul’s suspenders. We finally had to stop them. I’m sure my Uncle went home battered and bruised, but he always had a smile and a laugh and lots of love.

    My children were so lucky to have Uncle Paul. Unfortunately they didn’t have Aunt Edie as long. She ended up in a nursing home for 5 years before she passed. But Uncle Paul and his son, my Uncle Tib would be there. Sitting with her, talking with her. Sending their love to her. When she finally passed, we worried about what Uncle Paul would do. He mourned, but he would go places, do things. He kept himself busy. And he kept Uncle Tib, Nannie and Gramps busy too.

    As the years rolled by, my kids started getting older, dividing their time more between their dad, and friends and significant others. And what had once been a foursome, turned into a threesome. When Gramps passed away, it was just Uncle Paul and Nannie-oh, they kept themselves busy. They’d go out to lunch almost every Saturday. Their favorite was Hogan’s Hideaway on Park Ave. Uncle Tib would drive and they would have an awesome time. I went too at times. It was so much fun. And then Nannie passed away. Now it was only Uncle Paul. But this is Uncle Paul we’re talking about. So Uncle Paul and Uncle Tib and Uncle Tib’s wife Carol, would do things together.

    Right before Uncle Paul turned 100 years old, he had a heart attack. He told us he was tired and wasn’t sure why he had wanted to make it to 100-but being Uncle Paul, was still proud of that fact. He went from hospital to nursing home. Where we celebrated his 100th birthday. Here he was in bed, surrounded by those of us still breathing and by those that had passed away. He was beaming from ear to ear! He had made it.

    We got the call sometime I believe on January 16 or 17th. Uncle Paul had passed away. Very peacefully. At the funeral home, my son Paul, had bought a cigar and Paul walked up to the casket, and put the cigar in Uncle Paul’s suit pocket. Paul had put it into the exact one that Uncle Paul had always put it in. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place. It was the end of an era.

    To give you an idea on what kind of man Uncle Paul really was-this is something his son had written to me: ” I had a backstage view of him all my life, and he was the most remarkable person I have ever known. His positive and cheerful attitude, no matter what was happening at the time was nothing short of amazing. His honesty and desire to help others made him a one-of-a-kind person. Wish there were more like him!” Hope you don’t mind, Uncle Tib-but you put it so well :)

    My Favorite Paul!

    My Favorite Paul!

    Now did I say it was the end of an era? Think back to the wedding and Little Paul’s rants. As a few of us were standing outside the reception hall, there goes Paul on another rant. He had looked at a bunch of us that were out there and said, wait!!!!! When Denise and Dave have kids-I’m going to be Uncle Paul!!!!! He went on to say that he was going to be just like his Uncle Paul. Full of love, and fun. He will teach his nieces and nephews all the good things in life, he’ll take them places and do things with them. He’ll take what he’s learned from his dad and me, but most of all, he’ll take what Uncle Paul taught him and be the best person he can be.

    So now all Uncle Paul the second has to wait for is one of his sisters to start having babies. The girls have told me they are not going to give in to Paul’s demands for at least a year or two! For the mean time, he’ll just have to wait and hone his Uncle Paul skills.

    Paul And Family.

    Paul And Family.

    To my son, the “new” Uncle Paul, may you be blessed with all the good qualities that made our Uncle Paul special.

    And to my Uncle Paul, you are missed every day. It was an honor to be your great niece. Thank you for your love and laughter.

    I know somewhere on the other side of the veil, Nannie and Aunt Edie are telling Gramps and Uncle Paul-stop, there’s another shop. And I know that Uncle Paul and Gramps are sitting in their boat with their fishing poles in the water, just taking it easy, waiting for that first tunk!

    May God Bless you, and Thank you God, for giving us not one, but two Uncle Paul’s in one lifetime.

    Till next time.